Up in the Air

I have a game plan, though it has as many questions as answers.

Some time in the next week, I will fly to Florida and bring my mother to Seattle for treatment at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. She is suffering so much pain and discomfort already that I am trying to arrange a medical mercy flight, but barring that, we will have to fly first class. I don't think the bigger seats, complimentary drinks and better food will be enough to anesthetize us during the five-hour flight. I'm not counting on the movie either.

In ever other aspect we are also flying blind. What will the doctors tell her about her prognosis? How will she manage the rigorous chemotherapy? I've read that chemo can make you so bone-crushingly tired that you can't even get up to wash your face. Not to mention the possible, nausea, diarrhea, mouth sores, dry eyes, itchy hands and feet and compromised immune system that makes you vulnerable to infection.

We will apply for Medicaid in the hopes that it will help cover the cost of an assisted living facility, where I had to laugh when I noticed that one of the residents is named Mick Jaeger. In Seattle my mother knows no one but me. What will it be like for her to be isolated and ill in such a place? Even on her good days, it's hard to imagine my independent, younger-than-she-seems 75 year-old mother enjoying group meals or the bingo games and weekly outings to the drug store that I was told are the highlight of the residents' lives.

So my germ-ridden family and I will be her portals to the outside world. Over the past week I've begun adjusting to the fact that I will soon become a care-giver and will have to give up some control over my life. It's been hard so far to deal with all the logistics, but I've been able to take a break from cancer whenever I wanted, taking a run, hosting a birthday party, drinking wine with friends.

Now for me, every day will bring new, unavoidable responsibilities. And for my mother, unavoidable struggles.

We will truly be up in the air, hoping for a safe landing.